Somebody Facetimed me today.

It wasn't a family member... they didn't want to see/talk to the kids. They called me. You have to understand, with visitors, cards, and phone calls mainly going to the children, I was a little taken aback to see the caller ID show somebody calling for me. (Full disclosure: I do get mail and calls-- which consist of bills and people trying to sell me timeshares.)

Do you know how quickly I ignored that phone call? Quicker than two shakes of a Persian kitten's whiskers, that's how quick.

Now let me tell you why:
  1. I did happen to be putting up groceries. With two kids. While they were picking up and dropping bags with glass spaghetti jars, leaving their shoes/jackets right in the middle of the kitchen, and fighting over who gets to unload more bags than the other.
  2. I was in a tank-top from the day before. It wasn't flattering (see post about the Mom Gut here). I had also been wearing it for more than one day. That is usually fine for jeans, but its a whole other story when it comes to shirts.
  3. This one is the most important: I. HAD. NOT. BATHED. TODAY. While I am extremely excited and satisfied to tell you guys that I did actually brush my teeth, it is outweighed by my greasy hair, drab skin, and eye crusties. While on this point, let's all take a moment and be thankful that smells cannot be transmitted through cell phones.
Being a stay-at-home-mom, or a mom in general, showers do not happen regularly. Unless, of course, you are some weird, progressive fem-bot who has everything figured out, in which case, please click on my Facebook link and send me a private message. I have questions. And I am ready to bargain.

But on an ever so rare occasion, I am allowed the privilege to participate in what I like to call the Mom-athlon. Triathl-mom. Mom-Triathlon. And had I received this Facetime call after competing in this Mom-athlon event, I would surely have answered.

The Mom-athlon, or any of the other monikers I've given it, is a precious, rare gem to moms. It is a race of three different events, and you have to complete it before somebody calls you for help. These events consist of:
  1. Washing AND conditioning your hair
  2. Washing your body 
  3. And the grand finale-- SHAVING (any part of your body counts. But you get the gold medal if it includes two parts or more)
This... If you can accomplish THIS, you officially exceed Michael Phelps and Larisa Latynina in the Olympics (Google them... it's pretty impressive, especially combined).

Most of the time, I scrub and rinse before anybody is any the wiser of it. Maybe they are the wiser, because I don't look/smell like a rodent lying dead on the side of the road. 

But even if they don't realize, I will relish in the fact, and give myself a gold medal, for competing in and winning the Mom-athalon.

Maybe not today... but soon!!


Popular posts from this blog

Ten Years Later: Still Not Forgotten

An Open Letter to the Other Partner

Silence of Sadness